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Untitled Short Story 2009
Man walks into a popular male clothing outlet.
Two store clerks are waiting inside. The first, a blond about 22 years of age, leans lazily against the wall behind the cashier counter inspecting her fingernails and looking bored. The second, dark haired 24 yrs old and obviously of Indian decent stands alert in front the cashier counter with her shoulders square as if prepared for whatever life brings to her. She looks professional and personal all at the same time. Her smile is full of warmth without being trespassing. The blond does not even look up.
Hello sir may I help you?
Hello ... that depends actually.
Well, how may I help you?
Do you ... I mean ... when you start working in a place like this, do you go through a training program or anything like that?
Oh, no I'm sorry sir we do not. What is it that we are looking for?
We?
Excuse me sir?
You said 'we'. 'What are we looking for'. Pause. And nobody knows the answer of that one.
Pause.
The bored out-of-her-life blond looks up suspiciously from her fingernail stare to see what the cat just dragged in. Grimaces and goes back to her "work". The dark haired clerk doesn't miss a beat
What ...what are you looking for sir?
I'd like some help picking out a suit.
I can help you with that. I think I misunderstood you before. We all attend a three week course on sizing and fitting, both suits and all our other items. I'd love to help you pick out a suit.
Well then let's do it.
Well then, what kind of suit are we...you looking for?
A suit that suits me.
That sounds like the perfect suit for you indeed. Please follow me. (looking back over shoulder) Is if for a special occasion?
How long have you been working here?
Three years.
And by the way I also need everything else too, except shoes and underwear.
Well we'll get you set up sir. Is it for a special occasion?
Well, I never wear a suit but tomorrow, I'm going to a gala of sorts. Like a ball. It would be nice if it worked for other occasions.
You want a dark suit. That will work for you on many levels, I mean on many occasions. These here are on sale and very popular, if we can find your size, they are mostly for students. These over here a just a tad more expensive but would also work very well on you I think.
Ok.
I think either of these models will work well for you and neither will cost you an arm and a leg.
Otherwise I’d have to have it altered.
Pause, smile, tiny laugh.
What's the real difference between these and those then?
Well, sir. The real difference is that in these here you'll save about 50 dollars, and with your frame you'll look great! But those over there, in that one you'll look superhuman.
Lets go with superhuman..on many levels.
Great. Lets start with sizing for the jacket. Let me just...
interupting
How do you know I'm not superhuman already?
What?
How do you know I'm not superhuman already?
She smiles.
Well, two reasons. First off, do you know what size I should look for, a superhuman would?
Ok you got me, no I don't. And the other reason?
I'll tell you that in a second but first just let me go get my measuring tape.
Let you?
Um, yes. Let me. I'll be right back.
She dissipears through a door into the back of the store
( Slightly hollaring after her ) Ok I'll let you! You have my permission!!
A customer looking at belts hears this and looks up. The blond clerk overhears and looks too. She looks like she hates her job and her life even more now than she did six seconds earlier.
The dark haired clerk returns with a tape-measure draped around her neck.
You're back.
I am back. Can you take off your jacket I'd like to measure you.
Okay.
She starts measuring the man's torso etc
What's your name?
My name is Sukanya.
Is it?
Yes it's an Indian name.
Are you parents Indian?
Yes, they moved here before I was born. Please turn around.
How come people from India have such beautiful eyes?
Do they?
Yep, how come?
If you say so!
You don't think so?
I didn't say that.
'If you say so', you said.
I did, yes. What else is there? I think you're a size 50 or 50L.
'What else is there?'
Or maybe 52. Lets try a 52 first if I can find one. I mean, what else is there? You said that all people from India have nice eyes didn't you?
Yes.
54, 54, 54 I might have to go to the back and look.. oh wait here is a 52L.. We can try that first. Try this one on, here let me help you.
He tries it on. She looks. He looks at himself in the mirror. He looks at her in the mirror
What do you mean by 'what else is there'?
She inspects him. Tugs at the jacket. She knows what she is doing.
Turn towards me please.
He turns and they are facing each other. She pulls at the lapels of the jacket.
This is too big on you I think. I suggest we try a fifty.
Yes, why don't we?
I think I have one here, just one second. Let me take that one from you. If you think that everyone from India has nice eyes then they do. Don’t you think?
Do they?
Don't they?
Just because I think so?
What else is there?
I don't know, perhaps other peoples opinions, for example.
The beauty of eyes, seems like a silly subject for debate, doesn’t it? So the real answer to your question is "because you think so".
You mean, 'Why does everyone from India have nice eyes?"
‘Beautiful eyes.’
Yes beautiful eyes.
She returns with a new jacket to try on.
Yes, because you think so.
He tries it on. It’s a perfect fit and she looks very pleased. He watches her in the mirror.
How does it feel?
It feels great.
It looks great. You see here, it’s not too snug but it falls perfectly. You have good shoulders.
Good ones?
Yes.
As opposed to bad ones.
Exactly! Now pants. Do you know your superhuman size?
He laughs. Um, no.
She measures his waist quickly and starts sorting through the rack of pants.
You were going to tell me the other reason you knew I'm not superhuman.
Oh yes that's right I was. Well, did I dream about you last night?
What?
I said, "Did I dream about you last night?"
I don't know!
If you were superhuman, don't you think you'd know. These might work why don't you try them on.
The man pauses first confused then goes into the adjacent changing room and pulls the curtain shut and starts changing his pants. Sukanya waits patiently nearby and scans the front of the store.
I did have a dream about you last night.
How can that be?
It’s easy, I went to bed, I fell asleep, I had a dream, you were in it. Easy.
But I mean, we don't know each other.
We?
What?
Now you said, ‘we’.
I did. Oh yeah. Um...I don't know you and you don't know me.
Are you sure?
Why, have we met before?
Yes, last night in my dream.
BEFORE that though!
He comes out of the dressing room and stands in front of the mirror. Sukanya inspects and does her thing.
What was it about, your dream?
I'm not sure. But I don't dream about people who...hmm...shall we say, people who are bored or stagnant.
Bored or stagnant?
Yes, or put it this way, if I had a dream about you, then something is going on in your life. These pants are going to work I think. They look good. I picked out a couple shirts and ties for you.
She holds up a various combinations of shirts and ties until they finally decide on a good set.
Look at yourself, don't you look great? You look great!
If you say so!
He smiles at his own cleverness, but feels stupid for saying it anyway.
I do say so, but do you say so?
He takes a look at himself in the mirror. He studies the face more than he does the suit, but he occasionally turns and looks at himself at a slight angle just because he saw Nicolas Cage do it once in a movie. "Do I say so?" he thinks. There are new lines on his face and grey hair is replacing the black hair on his beard. There is also a new light in his eyes he thinks. This is new, this light. For no reason he can understand he remembers a moment in his childhood when he was 5 years old in Northern California. It rained non-stop for so many days that his mother finally got fed up being indoors with three children. She dressed up her kids in rubber-boots and rain jackets and hats and they took on the weather. They challenged the weather. They splashed through puddles, they jumped in creek-beds. They threw mud at each other and they laughed, all the while sheets of water falling on them and soaking them to the bone with cold wet from above. A little water seemed like nothing at the time, a small price to pay. They were happy and he was happy, five years old and a lifetime ahead of him. He thinks, 'I wonder if my mother can feel how happy I at this very moment'. "I bet she can".
I SAY SO, he declares.
Well, there it is then. You think so, what else is there?
There is nothing else. Just a belt.
Laughs.
He goes back into the changing room to change back into his clothes. Sukyana waits faithfully outside for him.
We don't even need to alter anything you have a nice frame, perfect fit. I hope you have a special someone in your life, someone who gets to see you in that suit.
So do I.
You don't sound sure.
Well, I'm sure she is special to me.
Is she in your life.
Um - yes she is in my life
Then you have a special someone in your life, don't you?
Yes, I do, someone very special, I sent her flowers today.
You did?
Yes. And socks!
Socks?
Yes.
You mean like... like French nylons or something like that? Women look great in those.
Um..not exactly.
Stay-up hose? She'd look sexy in those I bet.
No.
What then?
One hundred % cotton Hello-kitty socks made in China.
Oh ... well that’s cute. I'm sure she'll like that.
She'd look great in anything. And sexy.
I told you I don’t dream about people who are bored or stagnant.
Huh?
I told you something is going on in your life. Let me just get this straight. You feel she would look good in anything?
Yes
She looks great in anything?
Yep.
Hooded sweater?
Yep.
Worn out t-shirt?
Yep
Hospital robe - not washed hair for three days?
Certainly, beautiful.
Those old women's underwear that women in their 90's wear?
Haha
No?
No, she'd look great, but that was a funny thought.
Rubber boots in the rain?
What?
Rubber boots in the rain.
Why did you say that right now?
What?
About the rain and the boots?
Just making conversation.
That's really weird.
What is?
Oh nothing. Is she wearing anything else besides the boots or is she naked standing in the rain?
Ha, does it make any difference?
It wouldn’t make any difference, she is just beautiful period.
Do you know what I think?
No, what do you think?
I think that, on some level at least, you are falling in love.
On some level?
Yes.
What time is it?
12:45.
I wonder if she got them yet.
Got what? The flowers?
Yes the flowers. The flowers and the socks.
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My Lasagne
(A Short Story 2004)
I hope you liked my lasagne.
What?
I said, ‘I hope you liked my Lasagne’.
What? Oh no, is this your plate . . . I was sure that it was mine . .
.
No no . . .
I didn't use your fork too did I? I’m so sorry!
No no no! I have my plate right here, that’s not what I meant.
You didn't eat from my plate, I have my plate right here . . .
Yeah, and this is my plate right? This one, this one here?
Yes, no problemo, that’s not what I meant at all.
Well that's a relief! I thought . . .well you know . . . now that would
have been typical huh?
What do you mean typical?
I mean, well you know, I haven't seen you in twenty years and what's
the first thing that happens? The guest eats off the hostesses' plate.
Sounds just like something I would do doesn’t it?
Well, maybe it does, but you didn't.
Ok that's a relief then. Whew!
Yes . . . so?
So?
So, did you like it?
Like what?
My Lasagne. Did you like it?
I didn't eat it, we just worked that out. Didn't we?
Are you kidding?
This is my plate right here right?
Oh, I get it. You're teasing. I never could tell when you were joking.
Boy some things never change.
You can say that again.
I just meant . . .
"Some things neeeeeeever change!".
. . . yes...right...anyway I just wondered if you liked it. The Lasagne
I mean. I said it as in "it's my recipe" and "I made it"
thus "my Lasagne".
Right, your Lasagne!
Yes!
That's kinda, watchacallit, territorial behavior, I think they call it?
What is?
Dogs and stuff. Cats. They get territorial or something.
What are you talking about?
Your Lasagne. You're like a cat or dog or something. You want us to know
it's all yours.
IT’S NOT all mine! That is just an expression. It's not
mine. As a matter of fact . . .
Did you pee on it?
WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Did you ... you know, pee on it?
ON MY LASAGNE?
Yes that's what dogs do you know.
They pee on Lasagne?
No . . . well maybe they do . . . I never thought about that...but you
know they mark their domain or whatever with their pee.
And you think my Lasagne tastes like pee?
I didn't say that. It's just that . . .
It's just what?
It's just that whole "My Lasagne" thing. Never mind. Just drop
it.
Well, it’s just an expression. In fact . . .
In fact what?
In fact, actually I made it for you.
Actually?
Yes, actually.
There must be 30 people here...and you made it for me?
Yes I did. Extra cheese. Some basil thrown in. The way you always used
to like it. I just wanted your opinion, that's all.
You want my opinion?
If it's not too much too ask.
Just like that?
What? Listen. There is no "just like that" or anything involved
here. Don't make a big thing out of this. If you didn't like it you can
just tell me, God!
Who say's I didn't like it?
Well, if you did, why won't you tell me then?
Oh, You mean give you my opinion!
YES! YES! God, you're still just nuts!!!
You're still just drop-dead gorgeous!
Oh, please, Give me a break!
Boy everything is just all about you today isn't it?
WHAT? WHAT?
Yeah, first you stake a claim on all the lasagne and then you wanted
me to just GIVE away my opinion, to you and now you want a break too.
It's just "Me, me me me me me me", isn't it?
You know what?
What?
I think . . . I’m really starting to think that you have lost it
. . . you’ve lost your marbles!
HA! A likely story! Look at the evidence before you young lady.
What, what evidence? What are you talking about?
Think about it. Looking at the evi . . .
. . . And I'm not that young anymore . . .
. . . yes, well, looking at all the evidence... First the lasagne, then
you want my opinion, then a break. I'd say that if my marbles went missing,
then it's highly likely that you took em.
I took them? I took your marbles?
Yes. Maybe you took them long time ago, along with . . . uh . . . oh
never mind.
Along with your what?
Nothing. Never mind.
Oh jeez, now everything's really coming back to me.
Everything is really coming back to you?
Yes.
Don't you already have everything?
What?
I said, ‘Don’t you already have everything?’
Well . . . no . . . not everything apparently. Not everything.
Well it looks like you do. It looks like you have everything.
Yes I guess so. But . . .
But what?
. . . but it doesn't feel like I do.
Why? What's missing?
Huh? Oh! .... Oh, never mind. Nothing. Nothing is missing. Would you
like some more wine?
Man, you've always been a little wishy-washy.
OH YEAH? Well you have always . . . you have always been to die for!
Who me? Oh. Uh . . . well . . . well I don't know if I should tell you
this but . . .
Yes? YES?
Well . . .
Oh spit it out! Tell me!
Well, I liked it.
Huh?
I Liked it.
Liked what? Ohhhhhhhh the lasagne, you mean. My lasagne?
Yes I liked it. Lots of cheese. Not too hot. Garlic.
Some Basel thrown in. Actually, I loved it.
Actually?
Yes. Actually!
END
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